我。会很好的

前两天和朋友说了很多。有关广播,有关热忱,有关坚持,有关认同。

这个星期是奇妙的一周。连续两天的节目里做了两个访问;电影《阵头》的导演冯凯与演员柯有伦和林雨宣、以及既靠近又遥远的DJ Luke。为这些访问做功课的时候,我眼眶泛红了好几回。然后,我用我的感动去做节目。访问虽然不是节目惯有的形式,却一再让节目的内涵轮廓越来越清楚。心里不禁有一些感触。与其不说我做广播的初衷,这个节目给我的,比我付出的多太多了。那不是收听率或老板的一句赞许可以取代的。

昨晚写了一篇部落格贴文,一个忠实听众看了后有点担忧。担心我被冠上莫须有罪名而失去广播人的身份。我安慰对方说我是过来人,甭担心。却让我又重新思考了一下,作为媒体人的这个身份,和作为一个认真生活的个体有何区别。

广播之所以是我的一部分,不是因为它能让我生活。它不只是一份工作,它是我对热爱生命的其中一种表现。我在学院兼职讲课,不因为它能让我赚钱,它是我分享生命的其中一种表现。我在出版社当美术顾问,不因为它能应付我的生活开销,它是我享受生命美丽事物的其中一种表现。为文字的力量加冕的动作。

这些都构成了我。现在的我。而它们都有一个共同点:寻找思想冲击。也许是因为我相信,生命是因为冲击才能往前进。精子与卵子的结合,原来就是一重冲击。

那两个晚上的访问,都触及了生命里的冲击。《阵头》导演拍电影的梦想所遇到的阻拦、演员柯有伦与家人在演艺事业上的拉扯、DJ Luke在感情路上的自卑感,都因而给了他们更多努力的力量。这些力量所参杂的苦涩来得比幸福多,却为生命立下了不平凡的梦想。

我没有不平凡的梦想。但是我不希望自己对生命的热忱为任何理由淡薄。我会小心保护的,是我对生命的热忱。如果有一天,你发现我谢下了某一个身份,无论是被动、还是主动,请相信我,我会为了保护我对生命的热忱而努力。无论是坦然接受还是以理据争、默默努力还是愤而离场,都是我对生命热忱的表现。从前如此,现在如此,我希望往后也如此。

我会很好的。无论看上去是什么样子,我都会很好的。这,你们都可以相信。都可以放心。

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8 thoughts on “我。会很好的

  1. 这篇触动了我

    刚刚还在为别人说过的一些评语而耿耿于怀。。
    然而 看了这篇

    想一想 我在做的事我自己喜欢 享受的事
    而这些事情照就了现在的我
    是别人不明白的
    我何必为他们的主观而感到不高兴呢。。

    =)谢谢你。
    你对生命的热忱。。我感受到了

    我也要为我的热忱好好加油。

  2. You are going into middle age:) The point of no return and simple matter or decision can cause irrecoverable losses by the remaining amount of a lifespan, people always self console by saying age is not a factor but I think its being ignorant to the reality, refuse to acknowledge the fact and adopt optimism mentality.

    Not many will think about living issues knowing there isn’t an answer and most of the time are far from what we hope for, nature does not affect our lives in a modern daily life where technology kept us save from natural elements. It is ethics & behavior that we are dealing with because everything is managed by human, the one who control money has the say and end receiver are enslaved by it.

    We are actually slaves of the fiat currency by estimated resources or speculated value which is the same determining factor of our salary too, how much does our work worth is not of how great we can produce but from the labor market status point of view.

    It means anyone can make the same item but sell at different value and it is based on affordability / relationship / image / timing / location also luck for example: Paintings that can fetch up to millions… In short, to make a living or to live a life is based on human connection other than skill, knowledge & experience.

    Doing what we like is not always worthy enough to live a life adhere to biased rules particularly if limited growth and time to go out of the box, “工” 字不出头= “土” And must do business. At this age, the sensible thing to do is transform or forever doing what you like. I have had enough and adopt-adapt-secure for a business after 50 that I can call my own because not enough money to retire, so must work until death loh 🙂

  3. Ha ha… I was like you and multi-disciplined but it is stubborn, I did it for money not just for joy and wanted to live a life with family not forever alone. No point being a lonely poor expert, so I gave up to look for another way and found it, moved up from the system that kept us in the box while still doing what I like, out of the small box and discover a bigger one that hold many small boxes yet still inside a huge box.

    Many wander around and seek advice, DJs offer similar encouragement year after year according to best practice standard, one DJ do it differently with harsh reply and people love it. Why are people making the same mistakes over and over again I wonder? I hate that program because those are the people that created all the unnecessary dilemma.

    It is scary to step out of comfort zone and a big risk but you said it many times, efforts will enable us to excel and never wasted, not literally but must find out and act when time / age still permits, that is why I say point of no return, of course everyday could be the last but is it? Not according to insurance company, they make profit out of the odds just like casino.

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